I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
