Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
no. you can't hotbox the world.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
