so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
