'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
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Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
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Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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