It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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