I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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