so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
