if you like me you must not know who I am
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
