Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
