I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
