It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
