if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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