He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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