worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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