And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
