Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
