Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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