it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
