I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
