Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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