Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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