he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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