Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
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she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
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The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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