and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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