I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
