dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We are two peas in an std pod
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
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