Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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