I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
