Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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