Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
