I can tuck mytits in my pants
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
