You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
