Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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