You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
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Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
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Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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