Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
