I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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