apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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