You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
