Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
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i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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