No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
3pm strippers are depressing
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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