im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
