If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
