I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
