Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
we have officially lost it.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
