i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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