I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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