Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize