the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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