please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
