if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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