the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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