remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You smell like stripper and shame
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dignity is for republicans.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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