I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
