it hurts more in the daytime
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
