i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
my liver is dry heaving
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
