Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
