I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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