I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
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