You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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