I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
