Three words: puerto rican gang bang
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
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i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
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If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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