I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
