OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
soo... how was my night?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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