Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
