Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
