Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
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I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
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In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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