Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
