i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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