She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
