i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
