I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
