i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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