Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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