The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
