I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She's the barista slut.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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