you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
