I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I booty called her while she was in labor.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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