They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
