I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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