Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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