Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
