Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
