I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
