so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
