I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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