There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
