I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
