i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
